as we speak

I have just finished my final and I am trying to start and finish two papers by tomorrow morning. AGHHH

Tomorrow will be a very busy day for Ethan and I. We have to go to USF St Pete so I can drop off this stuff and take an exam. Then lunch with Aunt Cindy, Kathleen, Arin and BJ. The rest of the day we will spend with Auntie Arin until the late afternoon when we will meet up with Uncle Chad, Daddy, Ms. Kari and Emma to go to the zoo. Ethan will officially be 2 1/2 tomorrow (in a matter of hours) I cannot believe it!

As I type this (from bed) he is snuggled up against me with his head under my arm, snoring away. He gets that from his Daddy.

I will post some pics of the day and let all of you enjoy they with me.

moving on

I just received my assignment for my final internship and got 1st grade! I am so excited and so nervous! I don't start until the end of August and still have to take the FCTE Subject Area K-6 exam, so cross your fingers.

slacking

That is what I have been really good at these past few months. I have let everything go, the house, the blog, myself, real estate, scrapbooking, school. I have gotten a new job waiting on table at Longhorn and I have to say I really enjoy it. Now if I could just find the motivation to get back to school to finish up my 60 hours that would be nice. I have been sleeping sooooo much lately and I like to attribute it to stress more than laziness.

I have still been taking my meds regularly but with working such off hours the side effects are still in full swing; sleeplessness, sleepiness, dizziness. But I am not giving up.

Lately I have finally come to some big decisions about my life and myself. I don't like where I am at right now and it is my own fault. I have decided to make some big changes and although they will be gradual, they are a must. It may hurt some people along the way or change how they think of me but I can't not do it for them. It will make me a better Mommy, a better person and that is what matters. It isn't anything crazy drastic, just how I handle things, how our future is going to play out, our finances, our priorities, etc. It is time to do some mental house cleaning for the entire family.

i should wear a sign...

I really should, just to express how thankful I am for Lexapro LOL. No really though, I am feeling more rested, more positive, more alive, more like the old Amy than I have in almost 2 years. Don't get me wrong, I am not 'better' by any means, there is still a long road to go, but I can see a bit of light at the end of it.

The first step is admitting you have a problem...

So I did it. I went to the doctor yesterday and talked all about my psychoness and how it is 2 years later and I am still not normal. We talked about how I was feeling, if it runs in my family, what medications I took before, why I waited this long to ask for help again, etc. I sat there clutching Ethan, sobbing, feeding him a cookie and talking about everything.

As of yesterday at 3:10 I am on Lexapro. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! (seriously, I am excited) That is what I was on last time and worked well minus the sleeplessness and the sleepiness. I wouldn't be able to sleep and then when I finally did it was 6 in the morning and Ethan was up by 7-8ish and I was lethargic. So this time, per my doctors instructions, I am experimenting with the times. 3 hours after I took it yesterday I could have gone to sleep for the night. So today I am going to take it at 8pm and see how that works.

I have been in such a good mood today. No, the meds don't work that fast LOL, I just feel like I am making a positive step in the right direction. I feel as if I am really going to try to get through this and not just be a victim, not just sit there and take it.

I am off to scrapbook. That is right, I said scrapbook. I am so excited to get some done tonight, hopefully Ethan will cooperate!

sleep ugh

Remember when I would complain about not sleeping and then when I finally did, I couldn't and I mean couldn't, wake up? Well now I can sleep, but I just can't get enough. I am always so tired and so lazy and so out of energy. I can't even scrapbook as I just don't have the motivation. I have a doctor's appointment on the 12th and I am really looking forward to it. I am going to ask him for some help, some medicine, maybe even a referral to a shrink. I have to get over this, it is sucking me in again and I just can't let this happen. My son is to perfect, to smart, to amazing, to wonderful, just to much for me to get bad again.