you've come a long way baby

Wow I read these posts and I am amazed at how far I have come. I sit her unable to stop the tears. I so grateful; grateful I survived. I made it through, not just made it but literally am on the other side kicking and screaming!

I had a break through moment last week...Ethan was going to be a young George Washington in a play at his school on Wednesday. Tuesday night at 8:20pm I walked in the door after being gone all day and realized he needed dark pants and a white shirt for the next mornings play. I kissed him goodnight, grabbed my purse and went straight to Target. Not only did I get the costume he needed but I also shopped for things we needed around the house. I pulled into the driveway at 9:55 and brought everything inside. It was at that moment that I realized that for the first time since Ethan was born, I didn't come up with an excuse not to do it, not to go to the store for something we needed, not to leave the house no matter what the reason. I burst into tears and finally felt like I was a good Mommy.

All these years I doubted whether I would ever be good enough for the perfect little man I was blessed with. Although I don't feel it 100% of the time, I know that I am a good Mommy. I always want what is best for my boy and continue to always question my choices to make sure they are right.

I am my 6th year of teaching, teaching 4th grade for the first time. I am 2 months away from finishing my Masters in Educational Leadership and will be graduating with a 4.0!!! Who would have thought that this would be possible.

My goal is to get back into keeping this up. This is about me, just me. Someday my boy will be old enough to read this and to see how he saved my life. I want him to also see that I survived and to learn that anything is possible, even when it feels like it's the end.