Shame on me take two...

I must clarify, as I feel it is very important to do so again, that I have no issue with the other party. They are a great friend and nothing about that has changed. The issue simply lies within my house and only my house. I hope that is understood and thinks are more settled now.

Shame on me...

Good luck deciphering this one...

Rules are put in place so that no one gets hurt or offended. Well a rule was broken and I am really upset by it. The more time that goes past the more I analyze the situation. I am at the point where I have to hold two people responsible because although the one wasn't limited by their own rules, ours were known of. I wasn't upset at first because I didn't realize it, but now I realize (from over analyzing) that the instant it was over it was known that something wrong had happened. So if that was the case why do it in the first place?

Don't get me wrong I hold my party responsible as it is his job to stop it but as my friend they knew better. We all entered into this knowing what was going on but now that some other things have occurred in the past months, we are more hesitant than before. However, they are extremely gung ho and I am not sure how I feel about it.

Before I can deal with that though I have to handle my party and how I feel about this now and how we go forward. That is the part that really scares me, are we changed for the worse now, can I ever let it go that a promise (a serious one at that) has been broken and that this isn't the first time?

How does it go...
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Will this ever end...

So I really thought that since we signed a contract with this couple for them to purchase our home, that things would be fairly easy. But no, why would I think that it would be, do I not remember how this year has throw a million curve balls at us? I really don't want to sell to them just because of the games they are playing but what other choice do we have. The payments are killing us and we are just sinking. I really just want to be able to live a life that we can afford again. Before the baby it wasn't an issue as we both worked and we lived quite comfortably. Had I not been put on bed rest almost immediately when I got pregnant we would have spent those months using my salary as a stash rather than just the fun we normally used it for. But we didn't get that option and although we should have been more prepared since we were trying, who would think that I would get so sick? Don't get me wrong, the best thing we have is our son and he was worth every bit of it and still makes all this stress worthwhile. I just want to sell this house and be done with it. I just wish someone would tell me what the right thing to do is.

On a more happy note, my son learned how to tell me what a monkey says today. It is too cute and he even makes monkey lips when he does it. Gosh I love him. Nothing else really matters in the end does it?

My baby will be a year old in less than 20 min.

Good and Bad, isn't it always the way...

So the past few days have been really, really hard for me. I have tried without success (until today) to just get out of this funk. I have been crying uncontrolably, cranky, frustrated at everything, and just plain feeling miserable. With the exception of a couple hours here and there yesterday that I was able to have a really good time with some friends. Thank God for them keeping me in check or should I say Thank God for Hope for continuingly calling me and asking me to do things. Without her I would so become a hermit. I need that push, that continuous calling and almost chasing of me to get me to just get out. I am so thankful to have a friend like that right now. I so need her more than she knows.

Today I was able to get out without Hope! I had a crop locally today and although it took me a LONG time I finally got out the door and made myself go. I looked for every reason to turn that car around but the baby was fine and my husband didn't need me so I kept going. I am so glad I did. I was able to meet three local ladies that were awesome! I really got along with them and can't wait to crop with them again.

So I guess that was the light at the end of my tunnel...

Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?

Do you ever feel as if just when you think you have everything in order something else comes up?

Today is not a good day for me if you couldn't tell. Actually this whole week has been pretty shitty for me. I am just so overwhelmed or at least it feels like it, with crap. Nothing really that matters just crap. It hasn't helped that since Monday I have been without the internet which means no support, no distractions, no email etc. I thought I was going to go insane. I got it back today thank goodness! I don't think I could have made it any longer.

On a good note Ethan slept 12 hours total last night and only woke up once around 6 am. Hopefully the same will occur tonight, as the cranky Mommy could use the sleep.

F'in printer!!!!

I am about to throw it out the window! I have been trying to print a 6X12 sheet for about 45 min now and it just wont print anywhere but as if the page was in the center of the tray. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So it is official...

I am a total geek! One of my many hidden secrets that not even my hubby knows is that I am a complete 7th Heaven fan. I know, you can't believe it, a cheesy show about a reverand and his semi-perfect family. But I have been a devoted watcher since it began. So last night I was watching and I hear them say starting next week, what we have all been waiting for, the final 11 shows of 7th Heaven ever. WHAT???!!!??? It is ending? That is not possible, I didn't hear that, I had no idea! So I desperately tried to search for a good thing that will come out of this, I mean what will I record on my DVR on Monday's at 8 (other than House of course) then I remember Wife Swap! LOL

SPeaking of which I am trying to convince my hubby to do that show with me. I am not the type to apply to reality shows but this one I could do! We get money to go into someone's house and tell them how they are doing it wrong and what they should change to suit me? I AM SO THERE!

So the new year has begun...already broke a resolution, Ethan goes kaboom & girls SUCK!

Well already I have slacked on my resolutions! I didn't post here until the 2nd but hey, it is only the 2nd!

This weekend was great for us but sort of uneventful. We celebrated our first New Years as parents! Ethan has also continued to say Mama on a regular basis, lucky kid cause if he said one more word and it wasn't Mama I was gonna withhold the milk!

I forgot to take my meds all weekend so I was pretty bitchy but not to my hubby so much (BIG surprise!) He always gets the abuse but I was pretty in love with him this weekend. We actually cuddled without any reason to!

Have you ever had a friend, ok let me rephrase already...have you ever known a girl that is just a straight out liar? She never tells the truth and if she did you would never know because everything else is just a lie. In need of attention, has to be the center of attention no matter what and just ends up being obnoxious. I just can't stand drama like that, I have no time for it. But when it comes down to it I am to nice to tell her to f-off, so alas I am stuck. Lying is a pet peeve of mine so I can't lie to her when she wants to do something so I creatively change what I planned to do to make it sound like I can't do anything (does that garbled mess make sense?)

My Ethan fell off the bed! He was sleeping between us (I know, I know don't say it) and it was about 6am this morning (he didn't get in bed with us until 5 or so) and all of a sudden KABOOM! He fell and was fine, not even a red mark but OH did my heart hurt for not protecting him. I am always aware that he is there and that I have to keep a hand on him so I don't know what happened. The only thing I can think of is my husband was home so I was really sleeping peacefully and we were exhausted from the lack of sleep on New Years Eve. So from now on I wear the scarlet letter of B...bad Mommy.