The first step is admitting you have a problem...

So I did it. I went to the doctor yesterday and talked all about my psychoness and how it is 2 years later and I am still not normal. We talked about how I was feeling, if it runs in my family, what medications I took before, why I waited this long to ask for help again, etc. I sat there clutching Ethan, sobbing, feeding him a cookie and talking about everything.

As of yesterday at 3:10 I am on Lexapro. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! (seriously, I am excited) That is what I was on last time and worked well minus the sleeplessness and the sleepiness. I wouldn't be able to sleep and then when I finally did it was 6 in the morning and Ethan was up by 7-8ish and I was lethargic. So this time, per my doctors instructions, I am experimenting with the times. 3 hours after I took it yesterday I could have gone to sleep for the night. So today I am going to take it at 8pm and see how that works.

I have been in such a good mood today. No, the meds don't work that fast LOL, I just feel like I am making a positive step in the right direction. I feel as if I am really going to try to get through this and not just be a victim, not just sit there and take it.

I am off to scrapbook. That is right, I said scrapbook. I am so excited to get some done tonight, hopefully Ethan will cooperate!

sleep ugh

Remember when I would complain about not sleeping and then when I finally did, I couldn't and I mean couldn't, wake up? Well now I can sleep, but I just can't get enough. I am always so tired and so lazy and so out of energy. I can't even scrapbook as I just don't have the motivation. I have a doctor's appointment on the 12th and I am really looking forward to it. I am going to ask him for some help, some medicine, maybe even a referral to a shrink. I have to get over this, it is sucking me in again and I just can't let this happen. My son is to perfect, to smart, to amazing, to wonderful, just to much for me to get bad again.