It's been awhile...

It has been awhile since I felt comfortable enough to come out of hiding. A lot has happened this year, I have let some people down, some people have let me down, I have let things go that I shouldn't, tried new things that I liked, but most of all made a huge mistake that I will have to pay for, for quite some time.

I like to think that I am healing, that I am becoming more myself again. But, just as soon as I think that, here comes stress, anxiety and more panic attacks. I realized that hiding isn't helping that, talking, expressing, and just getting it out would help more than anything.

Our new house was actually started a few months ago and we should have drywall by Christmas. Moving out of this trailer and into OUR house will make a lot of difference for me.

Last month I turned 30 and I feel as if that pushed a start over button. This is the fresh start I need to be able to change those things I don't like and continue with the things I do. I decided I needed a list to refer to about what my goals were...

1. Flylady.com - That's right I want to be a flylady. I started it but then it got put off due to RE school but there is no excuse, I am going to make time!

2. RE Exam - I am taking it before Jan 1, 2007 no matter what. Ready or not I need to push myself.

3. Finish my BA by Dec 2007 - I am so close, 2 classes are I's which I can fix and then my final internship is all I have which I can do in the fall. I will graduate in 2007.

4. Take better care of myself - I need to start taking care of myself physically, my skin, my weight, my mental stability. Flylady will help with this.

5. Budget conscious - here is the biggie. With the new house being finished, there will be expenses before we even move in, I want to have a savings account, I want to feel secure that we can pay our bills, I want to know if I need money for an emergency we have it, I want to pay every bill ontime for 2007.

6. I want to stop feeling like I am not enough. I want to start feeling like this is who I am and if that isn't ok, the problem is not with me. I AM ENOUGH!!!

7. Blog everyday - bad or good, I am going to blog everyday. If anything for my sanity, but also for those that might read this to give an idea to how I feel and that I am not ignoring them, just struggling.