out of the blue

Every once and awhile things hit you that you aren't expecting...

a panic attack,
anger,
sadness,
love,
support,

are just a few examples.

Tonight about 5 min ago, I got my first official Christmas present and it was a WOW of a gift. A simple email sent to my myspace page made me cry but not in a bad way. It was filled with support and understanding that felt so good to have. Just a short message with no more than 5 sentences has made my Christmas more than I knew possible.

For the longest time I hid what was going on with me from friends and family, felt ashamed and embarrassed. Then came a time when I thought I was really healing and I was like a poster child and if the opportunity arose I would talk about it. Now it seems like I am back to trying to just pretend it isn't happening to those that don't know any different. This blog was my way of talking, expressing and getting it out without having to worry what people would think.

Tonight someone very special in my life discovered what I hide most of the time and was so wonderful about it. I wouldn't expect any less from her, as she is that person, but I hate to let the people I really care about down. Why I feel that what has happened/is happening is letting them down I don't know. Something I need to work on obviously.

For the majority of my life I have been lucky enough to have 3 Moms (really long story but a good one) and tonight I was reminded again that a 3rd Mom really is something special and something I am blessed to have.

Thank you Mom #3, you have made this such a special Christmas and when I stop crying and can get it together I will message you to tell you all of this.

***WITH ALL MY LOVE***